Hi Mum, I really do miss talking to you, you always had a way of keeping me calm if I was upset or anxious about something, its one of those times now and I need to talk to you, I have been visiting the hospital over the past 3 mths having seeing a specialist, having scans, an MRI,and blood tests, I have swelling in my Liver, Spleen, Pancreas, Gallbladder and tubes, the thing is Mum they can't find what is causing it, today I seen the consultant again and he said there maybe a small growth somewhere that didn't show up on the scans or MRI as they don't always shop everything up and so now I have to go to have a special endoscope with an ultrasound on the end this will travel down and look at all the affected areas, aparently the only place that does this is over in Aintree, Liverpool, you know what I am like Mum I cant swallow small tablets without heaving, I hate having endoscopy's, remember all the ones I had when I was suffering with stomach ulsers, anyway something I have to put up with isn't it if I want to find out what is going on, I also have to go to Clatterbridge for some other type of scan, I had more bloods done today as the consultant wants to know if there has been any change with my blood over the past 3 mths, its might sound funny Mum but talking to you on here does help, it will never be the same as talking to you in person but it helps, I can't talk to Ralph or Sarah and Rachael the way I could talk to you I always feel I have to be the very strong type, I can talk to Rachael and sometimes Sarah but not in the same way as I could you, you always had a way of making me feel at ease when I needed you and I miss that so much, love you always Mum thanx for listening xxx