hi Mum I haven't written for a while, its been 3 years now since you left us, I still miss you so very much, I wish I could speak to you one more time and hear your voice, there are so many things I would like to tell you and it hurts so much not being able to talk to you, I wish I could tell you that the last time you where admitted into hospital it was me who called for the ambulance, I know you didn't want to go back in but Mum you where very unwell, you kept saying it was Margaret who had you admitted but Mum it was me, Margaret had nothing to do with it, it hurts me Mum so much that you felt Margaret had put you in hospital just to get you out of the way but Mum that is so untrue, we all loved and cared for you so much, the first time you where admitted it was Alfie then Andrew, because they both found you and you didn't know what was happening the next time was a year later when Margaret who had spent that last year looking after you had to gave you admitted because you were very ill and couldn't breath properly when you were well enough to go home Gillian stayed with you and again you got very ill and Gi.lian had to admit you to hospital, the last time it was me we couldn't lift or move you Mum and you didn't know where you where I was so frightened seeing you this way, so as you can see Mum it wasn't just Margaret we had all had you admitted at some point, it was hard for us to do it but you needed more than any of us could do for you, it hurts me so much that I was the last person to have you admitted and that was the very last time, I am sorry Mum Iknow you didn't want to go back to hospital but there was nothing we could do for you, I often think it is my fault you passed away when you did because you didn't seem to fight as you did the other times, it broke my heart Mum watching you give up, I really am sorry for getting you put back in hospital I just didn't know what else to do for you, I never thought you would blame Margaret and its as though once you knew it was me you gave up because I was the last of your children to have put you where you just didn't want to be, I know that hospital was the best place at the time but I also wish I had the strength to keep you at home where you wanted to be, please forgive me Mum, I never thought my actions would be the reason you gave up and died, all this I know would sound stupid to some people but its how I feel, I lost you and it was my fault, I hope befor my time comes you will forgive me so that we can be not just Mother and Daughter once again but the friends that we were too, I will close now Mum, I love and miss you with all my heart xxxxx